The Metallica Hypothesis

All right, here it is. This is my hypothesis on why Metallica sucks now.

When Metallica first began, these guys were fueled by angst and youth. The fed on a menu of hardcore punk and metal. They practically invented thrash metal.

With angst fueled albums such as Master of Puppets, Ride the Lightning, and And Justice For All... these guys, and other bands of their ilk, used their music to express their rage, frustration, passion and down right anger. And they impressed the fuck out of most of us.

Unfortunately, music acts as a stress release. They began working through their emotional problems by writing and performing some of the best music every produced in their genre. They got married, made house payments, had kids, and learned to love life. Then one day after a few years out of the music scene, they are barely recognizable because they cut all their hair off.

Now, Metallica wants to continue making music. But the rage that fueled their unique thrash metal sound is GONE. FOREVER. It isn't coming back. They can try all they want. They can go through the motions, and sounds come out of the amps, but their muse, angst ridden youth, isn't there anymore.

Metallica died in 1996 when I saw them on MTV Unplugged: Alice in Chains. They were sitting on the front row with all their hair cut off. It inspired the bassist to write on his guitar something like "Friends don't let friends get haircuts..." This zombie that has been walking around since Load (of shit) was released in '96 should be shot in the head and put out of our misery.

I may be wrong; maybe this new album has some strength. Unfortunately, it took so long for them to come out with it, that I, too, have worked through my angst. I don't need to hear it.

-A.W.C.