Rejection....often the result of trying

I remember the first girl I asked out on a date in the 8th grade. I sat next to her in a History class, and we had a few other classes together too. She was very pretty and every guy at school wanted to date her. I was thoroughly infatuated with her. I'm not about to say she was my first love, because that just isn't true; I never had the chance for that to be seen. It took a great deal of effort for me to even ask her out, because it was for one of the 8th grade dances, and I didn't have the first clue how to dance. (Baptists went to hell for dancing.) She let me down easy, but promised me a dance. I don't know what I would have done if she had said yes. I asked some friends to teach me some dance moves but all they knew how to do was the running man (a la M.C. Hammer circa 1988).

I did go to the dance, but all I did was walk around the wall and watch people. I saw her and I knew that she wasn't there with anyone in particular, but I never got the nerve to approach her again. She probably thought I was some creepy stalking boy (I'm sure she had a few of those), but I was just scared out of my mind. What would the result have been had I approached her again? I started to say "It wasn't meant to be", but I don't believe in that destiny/predetermination bull shit. It just didn't happen. Why? Because I didn't try again, or because she was nice but never had any intention of taking a chance on me? No one can know. Hell....I don't even know how much of my memory is colored by my own fears and desires preventing me from remembering exactly the circumstances or conversations.

The point is that the only way to find out is to try...

Rejection/Failure...that's a real possibility of all things we attempt in life, but acceptance/success are also real possibilities of the things we try to accomplish and can not be obtained with out trying.

That young girl from 20 years ago is still around. She's been through some crazy shit just like a lot of people have. I wouldn't exactly call us friends any more....more like internet acquaintances. In the end, I don't think I am worse off because of a rejection. I'm pretty damned happy with the path my life traveled down, and I think she is rather enjoying herself these days.

I'm going to keep trying, and I'm sure I am going to be rejected for most things, but when I am accepted for something, I am going to give it my all. I hope that the next thing I am accepted for (hopefully, a job) will be at least half as enjoyable and as successful as the last thing I was accepted for....my marriage to my wife.

-A.W.C.